Day 15 – Don’t lose yourself!

So often we throw ourselves in to our relationships only to find that when they end, it’s like WE have ended too! “Who am I without (insert ex’s name)?” You are still YOU! With out without him/her!

This applies to marriage too. It’s a fine line. On the one hand you want to give it your “all” (this does not mean sell yourself like a slave to your spouse – it does mean be “all in” emotionally though). On the other hand, you still need to have boundaries and interests outside the marriage.

As mentioned previously in the series (Day 1, Day 2, and Day 3), guys and girls are just different! (Can I get an amen?)! We have different needs and it is crucial to continuing getting our needs met in the best way possible, despite being madly in love.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately… My brilliant hubby is in law school at Duke. Right now he’s in the middle of finals, before that he was in the middle of moot court competition and after finals he’ll be involved in the big writing competion on campus. It never ends! We just moved out to North Carolina in August and have been pretty dependent on each other for a while now as we’re just getting to know our new community here. But now with school in full swing, he constantly has stuff going on (and he’s actually the introverted one between us)! I am craving contact with people! So here’s my other dilemna: I met some fabulous girlfriends from the law school who I would love to hang out with while my husband is busy… but the problem is, they are all busy with the exact same things! It’s a pickle.

So it’s gotten me thinking… I need to reaquaint myself with… myself! I actually do have hobbies and interests outside of just hanging out with him (although that’s my favorite extra curricular activity)! My husband’s crazy schedule would never have hit me as hard as it has, if I had more of my own stuff going on!

Over the past few weeks, I have been trying to turn over a new leaf and remember all of the things I love doing apart from my husband. I didn’t marry him till I turned 30 for crying out so I had plenty of time to figure out me first! Here is what I am remembering about myself:

* I love to workout! I just feel better when I exercise and now that I have more time, I am trying to work out 3-5 days a week.

* I love to cook. One of my goals for the summer is to perfect a salsa/pico de gallo recipe.

* I love to read. After grad school I could hardly bring myself to pick up a book and read it for fun… I was so over it! But now, some time has passed and I am rediscovering my love of reading.

* I love God, friends and family. While my friends here are busy I can focus on maintaining my relationships from home, skype with the fam and spend quiet times with God.

* I love to volunteer. Recently I have been volunteering some coaching hours and I’d like to add some more volunteering to my schedule as well.

It is CRUCIAL to maintain a sense of self even while in relationship! Remember all the things you love to do, remember your close friends and family and just know… if things ever go downhill with your special someone (either a nasty fight or a even breakup), your friends are gonna be the ones there to comfort you!


  1. Great post Angela! I think spending time doing the things we’re passionate about makes us much more interesting to the loved ones in our lives and keeps us always growing. I also find I’m a lot happier (and nicer to be around) when I’m doing the things I love to do!

    • I agree. It’s easy to let those slide, especially in the early stages of a relationship but ultimately it does keep us happier and more content when we are pursuing our own passions. Thanks for commenting Joyce!

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