I Take Thee…

Three years ago I made the best decision of my life – I married my best friend. Last weekend we celebrated the fact that we made it! Three years may not be long in the grand scheme of things but when you’re living day-to-day, it’s not short.

I am not a risk-taking kind of person and thankfully at the time, I had no idea how big a risk getting married would be. It didn’t even occur to me, until I was sitting out on the balcony of my honeymoon suite in Cancun, that my life was not completely my own anymore. And boy did this hit me like a ton of bricks. My new husband was utterly confused and I’m sure more than a bit nervous at what he had just gotten himself into. He calmly explained that the day we got engaged he understood that he was stepping into a lifelong commitment. And that my life would impact his and vice versa. Somehow that fact had escaped me.

Three years later, after a number of other breakdowns, crises and major life events, we’ve survived. Not only that, we’ve become stronger and more joyful people somehow.

Marriage is kind of mysterious that way. The more you go through together, especially the hard stuff, the more beautiful it becomes. Like a potter who spends hours molding ugly, dirty, smelly clay. As it begins to take shape, a unique and precious piece of art is formed.

Want to know the best news of all? It’s not finished yet. We are not finished. Our marriage is still a work in progress. And if the past three years have been this good, I can only imagine what the next 30 have in store.

Day 11 – Relationships are like Freud?

Did you know that  relationships go through all kinds of stages just like we, as developing individuals do? Most of us learned the developmental stages in school… remember Erickson, Piaget and Freud (you’ve got to at least remember all the controversy that is Freud)! Anyway, relationships go through a similar progression through the years. We start out in the honeymoon phase and by the time we’re older, we’ll have gone through all kinds of ups and downs with our spouse. Relationships are dynamic, constantly evolving as the years go by.

Take a look at these and see if any ring a bell… what stage are you and your significant other in now?

Stage 1 – Honeymoon/Romance

This stage is a blast! This is the “my boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse can do no wrong stage.” They are “perfect” in every way! We get butterflies when we think of them (which is virtually all the time)! It feels like nothing could possibly go wrong in the relationship.

Stage 2 – Fight for your rights!

This stage is all about the power struggle. The honeymoon phase is ending and the weaknesses of each person become more apparent. Both individuals must learn to adapt to these new realizations if they are going to survive!

Stage 3 – Let’s get along!

This stage is a welcome change after the last one. Individuals become more comfortable with their partner’s weaknesses as well as their own. They are more willing to admit their faults and accept responsibility for their part in relationship struggles. The couple learns healthy ways of relating to each other (versus the fighting in stage 2).

Stage 4 – Mutuality

Each individual is willing to admit their own fears and struggles. Their relationship becomes more mutual and closeness increases.

Stage 5 – Deep Love

As couples get older their love grows deeper. They have been through a lot of life’s big events together and they have survived. Even though they no longer look the same as they did when they started dating and their energy may not be as high, they have a deep love and respect for one another than has developed throughout the years. They know each other inside and out and are sticking around!

I found this video on You Tube and thought it was totally appropriate considering the topic today. This song is so sweet and such a great example of a couple growing more and more in love over time. Enjoy!

Walking her Home by Mark Schultz

Day 19 – E/I Follow Up

I read a blog post that I thought was a great follow up to the E/I post I wrote earlier in the series regarding Introverts and Extroverts. This pertains specifically to marriage but I think it has great application for any kind of close relationship. Check it out here.
Also here’s the link again to the Myer’s-Brigg site online in case you’re interested in finding out your own personality profile! The link I’ve provided will take you to a specific page addressing personality and relationships but the whole site has some great info!

Day 11 – Learn to love others the way they want to be loved

In the spirit of Valentine’s Day yesterday I thought I’d write a post about love. Love languages to be exact.


Have you heard of Love Languages? The 5 Love Languages is a book that first came out in 1992. It describes various ways that people can experience love. They are:

1) Quality Time
2) Physical Touch
3) Acts of Service
4) Words of Affirmation
5) Receiving Gifts

Any idea what your love language is? If not, the authors of the book have a website with a variety of assessments you can take to determine your own love language. Here’s the kicker though: Your love language may be different than your spouse’s, kids, parents etc. So while it’s important to know your own, in some ways it’s even more important to know the language spoken by those around you.

For example, I have a friend whose love language is receiving gifts and words of affirmation. She loves to receive something beautiful as well as read a thoughtful card. She appreciates tangible expressions of love that have clearly been given a good amount of thought and consideration. Her husband is different. He prefers acts of service, meaning doing favors/projects for people as an expression of love.

In the first few years of their marriage, my friend was often disappointed. She didn’t get the cards she hoped for on Valentine’s Days or on her birthday or other holidays. Her husband didn’t pay attention when she mentioned little items she hoped to receive one day, least of all actually buy them for her later. Instead his cards were brief and his gifts were few. As you can imagine, this lack of understanding of one another made for some disappointing holidays. What they both didn’t realize was that for my friend, even a well-thought-out card, with no gift, would have meant the world to her. It’s a simple gesture but for her very special. But her husband treated her as though she would respond favorably to acts of service, which was really his love language but not hers (not that those gestures aren’t appreciated of course).

So they each missed the mark a bit.



Have you learned the love languages of the people you are close to so you can respond in a way that is most meaningful for them? The first step is to take an assessment and figure out your own. Then talk to someone you love and find out theirs. Trust me, they will thank you for it!

See you tomorrow!

Follow Me!
Get every new post delivered to your inbox!

Join other followers

Powered By WPFruits.com