The Truth About My Messy House and My Messy Life

You know what really gets to me? People who seem like they have it all together. You know the ones… the mom of four who you’d never guess was a mom at all by the looks of her washboard abs. Or the seemingly super happy person who always posts pics on Facebook of exciting adventures with their perfect family that surely never fights or disagrees about anything. I know it’s my naivete getting the best of me, but at times I actually believe the lie that some people have it all together. My mind begins to spiral and I start feeling really bad about my own level of accomplishment – or lack thereof.

If I think about it hard enough I know that no one has a blemish-free life. We like to pretend we do. We overcompensate. You know, look completely polished on the outside so people don’t find out that on the inside we feel chaotic and confused and lonely. We are so incredibly fearful of losing people, or losing the approval of people, that we choose to hide instead. What would people think if they knew the truth? That the woman with the washboard abs spends three hours in the gym every morning while her kids are at school. And don’t even talk about how bad she wants to say yes to that coffee cake only to find herself skipping breakfast most mornings in favor of just the coffee. Or that the Facebook friend only posts their absolute best, cutest pics and not the ones that highlight pimples and back fat.

I wonder if we were a little more honest about what’s going on inside and a little less protective of the outside part of us, the part everyone sees, that the people we encounter would feel that they’ve finally met their kindred spirit. If our vulnerability would actually enhance our relationships instead of turn people running, like we so often fear.

This isn’t easy though. I get that. So in order to clear up any rumors that I have it all together (ha, ha right?) here are a few insights into my inner world:

  • I can’t remember the last time I swept the floors and my house is collecting dust balls in ever corner.
  • Not only do I hardly ever sweep, when I do I am one of those people who doesn’t move the furniture around but rather sweeps around it. So if you were to remove everything off our living room floor you’d find a couch-shaped dust pile, an exersaucer-shaped dust pile and a variety of other furniture and toy-shaped dust piles throughout the house.
  • Lately, out of the blue, I have been having irrational fears about Ainsley getting sick.
  • There has been a huge Diapers.com box on the floor of our entryway for like four days.
  • I am one of those people who doesn’t take the clothes out of the dryer until I do a load of wash and actually need to use our dryer. So there is currently a load of clothes in our dryer that has been there for about five/six days since I last did laundry.
  • Most days I can be found wearing one of five outfits: (1) black leggings with blue v-neck fleece I “borrowed” from a friend 12 years ago, (2) maternity jeans with red shirt and gray hoody, (3) Jake’s navy blue pajama pants with Duke sweatshirt, (4) Jake’s gray sweatpants with USC hoody, or (5) black workout pants with white tank top.
  • More often the than not, the above five outfits have bodily fluids stained on them.
  • I much prefer to post pics of my daughter on social media sites than of myself because I have not yet come to terms with my post-preggo body and would prefer to hide it a little longer.

pic

So there. That’s my life right now. No makeup, unpolished. My homemaking skills are still in process and I should probably incorporate a few more outfits into the rotation. And while I’d like to say it feels good to be honest, it’s still a little scary. But maybe if we all did this it wouldn’t be so bad.

Linking up with Still Being Molly

The whole truth and nothing but the truth…

The transition of non-parent to parent is like going from (insert ANY profession) to… I don’t know… Cardiothoracic Surgeon overnight. You feel clueless pretty much ALL THE TIME. Your new workspace is filled with foreign objects that require a ridiculous amount of training to operate (moby wrap, what??). Your identity shifts drastically. Everything you used to believe about yourself (like that you are strong, competent, intelligent, to name a few) is flushed down the toilet. And don’t even get me started about the loss of freedom. You’re on call 24/7. Sleep is for wusses anyway.

This is not to say that parenthood isn’t worth it. You don’t understand true love until you are looking into your baby’s eyes and see that first sparkle of recognition or the toothless grin that lights up the room. Those moments can bring tears to the eyes of even the toughest dude out there.

But that’s not the point right now. My husband tells me I am on a Truth Campaign because ever since becoming a parent I have no problem sharing with anyone who will listen how hard things are at times. Sleepless nights, deafening crying spells and what’s a shower again? Very rarely does anyone tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth about what parenting is actually like.

I feel a bit misled. Yes it is joyous and yes it is oh so good. But I knew it would be all that. People tend to focus on the good stuff only and minimize the hard, crazy and weird details. Like, I had no idea that one day I would need to cut my daughter’s onesie off her because it was just that saturated with poop. Or that months would pass and I would never not feel narcoleptic. (My baby is four months old and I still woke up six times last night – twice to feed, once to burp and change her and three other times for reasons I am too tired to remember right now).

Aforementioned onesie that is no longer with us. RIP.

Aforementioned onesie that is no longer with us. RIP.

I think there are a few things going on. For starters, as time goes on we forget the hard stuff from the beginning stages of parenthood. When, I don’t know. But eventually these high stress moments from the early months fade away and we long to do it all over again.

It also seems though that we don’t admit the hard stuff because it would make us seem like we’re not cutting it in the overseers-of-tiny-humans department. And with the fancy, shiny images on Instagram and Facebook our babies all look perfectly aglow. Mine included. And while I do find her absolutely angelic on most days, some days are completely exhausting. There, I admitted it.

There is also this comparison thing that happens when you become a parent. Social media makes it hard not to believe that everyone else’s baby is perfect and every other parent out there is adjusting fantastically to their new reality as mom or dad. Don’t believe what you see people! Sure, we go out on errands and to Baby Rhyme Time at the library but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t hysterical crying the whole way there and the whole way home!

And then there’s the guilt. Oh the mom guilt. It’s what leads me to question whether I should even post any of this. It’s what also leads me to emphasize again, that my baby is precious in almost every way, almost all the time. We had a rough week recently, that’s all! Really, I love her with every inch of me! Promise! It’s all true… but so is the other stuff. Why should we feel guilty for being real with each other?

Why is this even important? Why start a Truth Campaign? Because when I know others are going through even a small inkling of what I am going through I somehow feel better. Not that I want you to struggle but knowing that you are… even a little… brings me a wee bit of comfort.

Moms, Dads, new parents everywhere… we are in this together. Let’s be real with each other and support one another and celebrate small victories. We are on the adventure of a lifetime right now and it comes with a cost. Every good thing does. So let’s not be ashamed to admit it.

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